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Do You Know Your Bedroom Manners?

When most of us hear the word manners, we think of saying please and thank you and keeping our elbows off the dinner table. But, turns out, manners actually apply to the bedroom and are imperative for great sex. Heres the 411 on everything you need to know about good sex etiquette.

Are we both entitled to our favorite sex position?

He wants doggy-style and you want to be on top. Whos going to get their way? The good newsorgasm trumps mere preference, so youre more likely to get your way.

Theres something to be said for sexual variety and trying new positions and not getting locked in, but both men and women during sex are entitled to orgasm and there are some positions that help them orgasm better than others, says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., FAACS and author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman.

Is it polite to fake orgasms?

Mary Mitchell, author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Etiquette, says that its not. In fact, its better to simply be honestbut in a nice way. You dont have to bluntly tell him you didnt climax, you can tell him that you still had fun but next time it would be great to do more.

Should I expect a post-sex phone call?

Kerner says that even in this modern, men-and-women-are-equal world, women should still expect for the guy to call them the next day. If youre up for calling feel free, but really the ball is in his court.

Does oral sex have to be reciprocal?

Fairs fair and if you expect to receive, you should probably expect to give.

I dont think any woman should settle for a sexual double standard, where shes the only one giving, and I think the reverse is also true, Kerner says.

Whats more politespitting or swallowing?

Etiquette experts agree that neither is more polite than the other; its really what you want to do thats most important and guys should respect your decision.

If we dont want to swallow, wheres the best place to spit it out?

You can get up and excuse yourself and go into the bathroom and do it. You can have a towel nearby. Were not really talking about spitting like spitting on the street, just letting it out of your mouth into a towel, so it doesnt have to be a vulgar act of spitting. Getting up after it and going into the bathroom is totally cool, Kerner says.

Is it rude not to kiss after oral sex?

Mitchell says a quick swipe of the persons mouth on their arm should solve the problem.

Are there any rules for hygiene?

Its always nice to be clean and dont be shy about telling your partner he needs to suds up before you get down and dirty.

A lot of women have told me that while penis size matters, penis cleanliness matters even more. In general, a womans vaginal area, assuming there are no hormonal or bacterial problems, is a pretty self-cleaning system, so theres not much that has to be done. If you or your guy worry about hygiene, then take a shower together before, Kerner says.

How can I start that awkward have you been tested? talk?

In a very unemotional way say, You know, naturally Im very concerned about STDs. Have you been tested? Now if you havent been tested yourself then you dont have a right to ask that question, Mitchell says. If the partner refuses to be tested, then, without any judgment, say, We better back off until you are tested; I would just feel better that way.

Whose responsibility is it to provide condoms?

It would seem that since hes the one wearing it, he should bring it along. But do you really want to rely on the same guy that forgets his keys everywhere he goes to provide something so important?

A smart woman is an empowered woman who is going to bring her own protection and isnt going to be afraid to tell a guy that he has to use them, Kerner says.

What can you do if his moves are a turn-off?

This happens to all of us sometimes. Hes doing something thats really not working for you, but you dont want to be harsh and tell him to knock it off.

It depends on how long youve known this person and how intimate you are together. Ive certainly said before, Hey babe, thats not really working for me. But thats with someone Ive been dating for a long time. If youre uncomfortable or its someone you havent been with for a long time, simple redirection works. Saying something like, Oh, I really love it when you do this. Or even telling someone, Oh my gosh, just a little further up, says Lizzie Post, etiquette expert and author of How Do You Work This Life Thing?: Advice for the Newly Independent on Roommates, Jobs, Sex, and Everything That Counts.

What if I call out the wrong name in bed?

Yikes, this is some peoples biggest fear, but if it happens to you, Kerner says to laugh it off and act like its not a big deal (you can cringe on the inside).

How can I recover if I make an embarrassing move in bed?

It happens: You do something mortifyingmaybe a move he really didnt like or he did something you found weirdand it can be tough to get past it.

Sometimes youve got to just write it off as this person and I are not going to have sex again. Other times, if its maybe a good friend and you decided to hook up, thats a situation where you might be able to find a way to joke about it. But you want to make sure that theyre on the same thinking level as you first. You dont want them thinking it was the best night of their life and youre thinking it was horrible, Post says.

What if after sex I decide I dont want to see this person again?

Let them know. Dont just do the forget-about-it, never-call-them-again thing. Show some courtesy. Youve been Hot, Naked Girls with this person, you know? Respect the fact that people are adults and they can handle the truth, Post says.

Whats appropriate behavior after sex?

You dont want to do anything that suggests a wham-bam-thank-you-Mam, [like] turning on Sports Center right after you finish or getting up and leaving the apartment immediately afterward. Both of those things are going to signal that the act was all you were looking for and that was it, Post says.

Just how long do you need to wait post-sex to get out of bed? Kerner elaborates:

You definitely dont want to interrupt the mood for the first two or three minutes after orgasm. The first three minutes are really the stay connected, stay cuddled zone, then after that you can do whatever you want, Kerner says.

Do I have the right to spend the night after a hookup?

It may seem like a hookup qualifies you for a pillow and a fair share of his comforter, but not necessarily.

Dont assume that youre welcome to stay the night; thats something that you should get a feel by how the persons acting afterward. And that goes for couples too. There have been plenty of times where Ive been like, Honey, this is great but I really do need to get up early tomorrow and I need to sleep at my place with my things, Post says.

If you dont want to ask directly, you could say, Whats your morning like? Should I get going, should I take off? Have a conversation about it, Kerner says.

What are some considerate things I can do if Ive brought someone back to my place?

Really, having sex with the guy is probably nice enough of you. But if you want to go above and beyond, here are some ideas:

If you offer a glass of water, it would be nice. A lot of the times people will get up and use the restroom afterward, and a lot of us are in apartments so there are roommates who are also sharing the space, so its really nice to offer a towel or a bathrobe or a really big hoodie or something for the guest to cover up with. Or offer to go out and make sure the coast is clear, so no one has to feel uncomfortable, Post says. Everyone knows that walk of shame and its really nice to at least walk the person to the door of your apartment.

This article was originally published on http://www.savvymiss.com, a free website community dedicated to connecting, empowering and informing women everywhere. SavvyMiss.com features articles on dating, love, careers, fashion, health, beauty and important societal issues. Members also use message boards and blogs to build relationships with other members.

posted by dancehuonk @ 1:29 AM